I Have To Put My Happiness First

I'm starting to realize that in order for me to be COMPLETELY happy I have to do what makes ME happy...not what makes OTHERS happy. I'm at the point in my life that I cannot tolerate stress. If I stress about everything I am going through then a hospital stay may be in my near future. 

My son is my top priority and nothing will change that. I would never put my son in a situation that is harmful to him. When I make a decision that means that I have thought it through. At that point all I need is support...NOT criticism. No one knows what is best for me and my son BUT me and the good Lord above. There is a reason for my madness.

When it comes to my career, I will advance at my own pace. I'm never content with standing still. When it comes to my health, I don't have a choice but to keep fighting because of my prince. When it comes to my personal life, I will run it the way I choose as long as I'm happy. God has blessed me in so many ways and there is not enough time on Earth to show him my appreciation.

The beast is showing its ugly face again. I'm gearing up for battle once again and I have a feeling that this time it is going to be a completely different beast. I know already that I have some decisions to make with my health and future. In the meantime, I have to focus on my happiness and building my support system. Life is beyond stressful in every sector. I need a break and I need all sectors of my life to join together and support me. That's what I need. I need everyone to put their wants, needs, selfishness, and pettiness aside and for me to be the priority.

#Support #Family #TheBeastIsBack #Winning #NoChoice

We're Having Cuts...Who Makes The Team?

Over the years I have become more and more protective of my circle. It has gotten smaller and smaller...with no looking back. So many things have happened in my life since my diagnosis. Every situation has been a test...not only for me, but also for my team. A wise person once told me that sometimes it takes someone being at their worst to see who deserves them at their best...I live by this.

If  you are close to someone before things start going sour in your life and they start to disappear when you head downhill, then let them go. They are not worth your love or your time. Here's the thing about autoimmune/chronic diseases...one day your strength could be at 120% then the next day you are at 2%. The extra stress of trying to hold onto a relationship that is toxic is not helping your health. A flare up of any disease could possibly be brought on by stress so why make yourself sick over someone who was not worth it to begin with? Your health comes first.

Sometimes you may just need to re-evaluate your team and hold cuts. Some people will shock you when they do not make the team. But whatever you do...DO NOT look back! People will show you their true colors if you let them. Don't let anyone or anything stress you out (This is still something I am working on...this is hard work...BUT worth it). Find your outlet that relaxes you when you are stressed out. I recently found mine. Do what you have to do to make yourself happy because when you are happy...the people surrounding you may be happy.

So...WHO MAKES THE TEAM...YOUR TEAM?

#WINNING

Depression...How to deal with it?

Depression is a word many people throw around. It is also a silent killer. Some people don't know exactly how to deal with it or how to be there for a loved one who is going through it. So...I'm going to break it down.

What exactly is depression?

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and depression may make you feel as if life isn't worth living.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/definition/con-20032977

How to be there for a loved one going through depression?

Sometimes the best thing for someone that has been thrown too many obstacles is to be there for them in the way they want you to be. Some people just need a shoulder to cry on, some people just need a voice of reason, or some people just need an ear to vent to.

Recently I have been thrown way too many obstacles. Some negative and some positive. Some health related and some personal life related. So I get it and I know what I'm talking about. I needed all of the things I just listed. When things get bad...I get to turn and look at my pride and joy, my prince, my life, my world. He's all that matters to me. He's the most important person in my life. He makes everything worth it. I know some of you do not have children, but if you are going through depression...you have to find that person/thing that makes you smile.

"The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection." -Thomas Paine-

Whatever is causing you to be depressed is not worth it. Take a step back and do what it takes to make you happy, whatever it takes to get your sanity back. If you have been living your life for the happiness of others then maybe it is time for you to live your life for the happiness of yourself. You can't make everyone happy and even if you could...it wouldn't be worth it if you had to sacrifice your happiness. Get yourself a fresh start. You deserve it!

##Winning

My Miracle Has Arrived!

As I mentioned before, in my previous post, there are many things that people with chronic illnesses are told that they cannot do. Having a child is one of those things that they usually have on their list that is given to them by their doctors. I am all about living my life the way that my life should be lived. The only person that knows how my life should be lived other than me is God above. With that said...I have my miracle!

March 12th, 2015 was the day that my whole life changed. That was the day that my pregnancy ended and my new life began. I worked extremely hard for the last 9 months to secure the best support  system possible. I knew that pregnancy would be hard on my body, I knew there would be bumps in the road, I knew there could be complications and other issues BUT I also knew that IMPOSSIBLE was not in my vocabulary.

The day I found out that I was pregnant, I was mentally prepared for many appointments, close monitoring, high risk status, and the possibility of short term or long term bed rest. I didn't let any of the potential negatives take away my joy.

July 18, 2014 - I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic. God had just answered my prayers. This was proof that He may not do things when you want Him to BUT He is never late

August 13, 2014 - I went for my confirmation ultrasound and office visit. I also confirmed my high risk status...(Thank you MCTD). I got to see my baby for the first time. Nothing else mattered.

October 14, 2014 - On this day I found out I was having a bouncing baby boy! 4 days before my father's birthday! Happy Birthday Daddy!

By the end of the year MCTD decided to show her face. Lupus was active, platelets were falling, joint pains and body aches all over. Still...I was not discouraged. All that meant was that my team needed to be solidified and a plan of action needed to be put in place. At this point, I was in control of my pregnancy. After my first pregnancy hospital stay...I switched obstetricians to one that was more familiar with high risk cases (it is never too late to switch). Together, we came up with a game plan so we were on the same page.

Advice: Be hands on and involved in your care EVERY step of the way!

February 7, 2015 - Baby Shower Day! The overwhelming amount of  love and support showered upon me from my friends and family was amazing!

March 12, 2015 - Baby J was born! He was healthy and strong! 11:42 am; 5 lbs 8 oz; 18.5 inches. The birth didn't go exactly as planned but the fact that I made it that far was more than enough for me. All that mattered was that my prince...the love of my life...my heart outside my chest...arrived safely. And he did! With a full head of hair!

I did it! I did it! I did it!

#Winning

You can do it too! Nothing is impossible with God!

What Can't You Do???

As soon as someone gets a new diagnoses the first thing that comes to their mind is "What can't I do? How does this change my future? What will I have to give up?" Trust me when I say this...there is nothing that you CANNOT do if you put your trust in Him. You may not be able to do rigorous tasks that you were able to do years ago but you can always modify it to your current ability.

When I was in high school...I was in the marching band and the color guard. Best years of my life. Performing was my passion. If I even attempted to do now what I was able to do then...I would break myself. Why? Not because I am old...I am still young. Simply because of MCTD. My joints are not as strong as they were in high school. Does this mean I CANNOT perform anymore? No!

When I was in the last years of my Bachelor Degree program...I received admission into medical school. My diagnosis of MCTD etc came 3.5 months to the time that I was suppose to leave. At that time I could not leave my treatment and my medical team. I had put my trust in my support system and made a decision to stay. Does this mean that I CANNOT further my education? No!

A lot of MCTD, Lupus, Autoimmune Disease, and other Chronic Illness patients are told that they CANNOT or SHOULD NOT have children because of one reason or another. Doctors, Physicians, and other Medical Professionals DO NOT have the final say. You do! So what if your pregnancy or your wife's pregnancy is labeled high risk?!?! That is just a term. Just keep taking care of yourself and your bun in the oven. Get a strong support system because you will need it. Husbands/Boyfriends of high risk pregnant women...Your wife is suffering even if she says she is not. It is already a hard task to bring a baby into this world but when you add a disease that is attacking her body from the inside out...it becomes even harder. It takes a strong man to handle something like this. Your support system is NOT only your spouse. It can be as big or as little as YOU want it to be. This is ALL about YOU.

There are so many more things that you are told that you CANNOT do and I just touched on 3 very important subjects: exercise, education, and childbirth. So I ask you again...What is there that you CANNOT do? NOTHING!

#Winning

She's back!!!! With a new name and new attitude!!!!

It has been over a year since I have sat down to blog about my life, my battle, my struggle, Lupus, or MCTD. It is a battle that MANY people have lost and are currently losing. I have watched people on their journey with this chronic illness and have seen them lose the fight. Many people do not know much about MCTD or Lupus. You cannot look at someone and just know....Oh, they have Lupus or Oh they have MCTD. With that being said...My name is Sheila and I have Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. My main disorder is Lupus. I am fighting this fight and I am choosing to count every daily victory as a win.

Anyone going through this or something similar...can relate to the fact that some doctors are very quick to say that because you have XYZ you cannot do this or you cannot do that. Meanwhile, that thing is something you have wanted to do your entire life! We will not give up. We will take control of our lives together. No matter what your hiccup is...we are all fighting the same fight! Anyone with any kind of chronic illness knows exactly what fight we are fighting...LIFE! We have one life to live and we will live this life to the fullest! We will win together!

#Winning